Super Cool Black is the New Black Black Moon FAQ

Another big lunar event takes place tonight. Be ready!

What is “The Moon”?

As mentioned in the Super Cool Blood Orange Faster Pussycat Kill Kill Moon FAQ from a few months ago, it’s a big rock orbiting the Earth, but that’s still not all that important right now.

Black Moon!


So, what’s a “Supermoon”?

That same big rock closer to the Earth than at other times of the year so it will look bigger than normal, or it would if you could see it.

What’s so… wait, what? Why can’t I see it?

It’s a New Moon, the second one this month which is pretty rare, thus the “Black Moon” designation. Basically, though, the moon has turned its back on the Earth and, in the spirit of Pink Floyd, it’s all dark. The part illuminated by the sun is facing away from us, so even though it’s closer to us, you won’t be able to see it. Instead, you’ll just see a big, empty, black disc.

So, kind of like a black hole?

Well, I suppose you could put it that way. No, wait…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOON’S TURNED INTO A GIANT BLACK HOLE AND IT’S GOING TO SWALLOW THE EARTH AND KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!!

What? NO! That’s not… hang on. That wasn’t a question. This is an FAQ. The “Q” stands for “Question”.

Sorry. I’ll rephrase.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOON’S TURNED INTO A GIANT BLACK HOLE AND IT’S GOING TO SWALLOW THE EARTH AND KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!!?

Better.

…?


No reaction?

Nope. Not falling for it. Not getting into whether you’ll see a mad scientist merged with a murderous robot in some bizarro representation of Hell or anything of the sort.

Could that really happen?

No, that was a stupid ending to a mediocre movie. But I have to admit, Maximillian (the robot) was very cool and very scary and I kind of want one that’s not quite as murderous.

Not quite as murderous?

We’re done here.



Super Cool Blood Orange Faster Pussycat Kill Kill Moon FAQ

Moon!
Moon!

What is “The Moon”?
It’s a big rock orbiting the Earth, but that’s not important right now.

So, what’s a “Supermoon”?
It’s that same big rock orbiting the Earth, but it’ll be closer to Earth than it is at other times of the year so it’ll look like it’s bigger than normal, but it isn’t, but it’ll sure look like it is.

What’s so special about this so-called Supermoon? Can it spin the Earth backwards and turn back time?
No, that’s SuperMAN.

Wasn’t Superman on the Moon once?
Yes. Yes he was.

How does that happen? I mean, even Superman has to breathe, right?
Uh huh.

And, like, the Moon’s really far away and he had to fly there and there’s no air in space…
Stop! Would you just stop with the Superman stuff!?

Sorry. So, like… what were we talking about?
The Super Cool Blood Orange Faster Pussycat Kill Kill Moon.

Oh, yeah. So… wait… orange?
Yes, on Sunday, January 20th starting about 10:34pm Eastern Time, a total eclipse of the moon will start. A little over an hour after it starts, the moon will be totally eclipsed. It’ll stay that way for another hour or so. During an eclipse, the moon appears red or dark orange. Because of this, it’s often referred to as the “Blood Moon”.

Wasn’t there a song called “Total Eclipse of the Moon”?
No, that was “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. It was sung by Bonnie Tyler.

Oh, yeah. Right. So, what was up with the freaky eyes on the kids in that video? Man, they creeped me out.
I… I don’t know.

Do you think Superman could, like, blow out the glow in their eyes with his super breath?
We’re done here.